Renewed Curiosity

I want to renew my spirit of curiosity and passion for Jesus!

This past Thanksgiving we went to visit friends in Switzerland, and during our stay a little kitten (about five-six weeks old) found us.  My husband, the cat lover, was smitten; admittedly, so was I.  So now we have a three month old kitty named Oliver.  Well, it was named Sophie for about three weeks, but that’s a whole other story.  Oliver usually follows me everywhere I go in the house and wants to be in the middle of it all; he’s a very curious kitty.  ("Curiosity killed the cat" may actually apply someday.)  The other day Oliver was “helping” me do laundry.  After I put the laundry in the front load washing machine, which he wanted to jump into with the clothes, he stood on his hind legs and watched the water and clothes move, meowing, looking back at me, and pawing the door.  As I stood and watched him it hit me…I wish I were as curious and excited about God as he seems to be about everything. 

I’ve been a Christian for a long time; admittedly, some of life has been spent trying to run from God.  This week the memories of falling back in love with Jesus washed over me in the laundry room; my heart yearned for the excitement, joy, curiosity and wonder of that time.   It was a time when I devoured the Bible and was constantly referencing it through the day, and it seemed I was always on my knees in prayer.   I still do these things, but I realized I don’t do them with the same passion and wonder.  I want to be as curious about God’s Word as I once was; my soul is yearning to know God even more deeply.  If I want to know Him more deeply I need to renew my curiosity about Him.  God is relational and created me in His image, He desires a deep and passionate relationship with me.  If I’m not chasing after Him, my life feels a little less than.     

This past year in particular, I’ve allowed the busyness of my life to get in the way of spending time with Him.  For me, it’s a slippery slope.  Along the way I’ve let the little aspects of life creep in and become a greater priority than God.  Yes, I still open my Bible, pray, and worship…but not as if it was the most important part of my day.  So, now I’m on a quest to renew my curiosity in my Creator and Savior.  Perhaps this desire in my heart is in preparation for challenges ahead when I’ll need to feel His nearness in palpable ways. 

What’s my plan you ask?  Good question!  For now, it means I’ll spend more focused time in the Word and on my knees in prayer.  It’s a start and I’ll go from there.

How curious are you in God at this moment?  Any words of wisdom or suggestions that have helped you renew your curiosity and passion for our Lord and Savior?  Books?  Practices?  I’d like to hear from you.

And if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 2:4-5

Blessings

Sarah

Peace

In the midst of a conversation the other day a person said to me, “I want the sense of peace you have.  How can I get it?”  What an opening, right?  My response was, “You caught me on a good day.  Come see me tomorrow, and we’ll see if the peace is still there.”  My initial somewhat flippant remark did lead into a discussion on the source of the peace that flows in and out of my heart on a daily or sometimes minute by minute basis…Jesus.   However, this discussion led me to think more deeply and broadly about what peace means to me, and it’s two-fold. 

Yes, the peace I exhibit on occasion has its source in Jesus; however, it’s the relationship with Him that fortifies my peace. 

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.   And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

This is one of my favorite verses.  In the church I attended while growing up the pastor used the second part of this verse as the benediction each Sunday, and it gave great comfort to hear it prayed over me.  I wish having it read over me each week was all it took to have “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.”  There are days when I wake with a great sense of peace in my heart, but mostly it takes a bit more on my part.   For me, I need to be in communion with God. 

com·mun·ion n.

1. The act or an instance of sharing, as of thoughts or feelings.

2. Religious or spiritual fellowship.

What does communion with God look like for me?  It’s reading His Word, going to Him in prayer, and listening to the Holy Spirit so that His plan can become my plan on a daily basis.  It means being in fellowship with others to worship and hold each other accountable in righteousness.  A friend shared this quote with me not that long ago, “Peace is not being without noise, trouble or hard work.  Peace is being in the midst of the noise, trouble and hard work and being calm at heart.”  It’s easy to be at peace when life is calm; my challenge is a peaceful heart in the midst of challenges and chaos.  What about you?  For me, it takes extra effort to be in communion with God when the challenges start to mount. 

Which leads me to the other component of peace.  Being in relationship means the flow must go both ways… it’s not just about MY heart.  Dang it, I wish it were all about me!  God’s peace isn’t just for my heart, but for those around me – there’s a justice component to God’s peace.  In the book of Isaiah, the prophecy is of Jesus as the Prince of Peace.  If I’m in communion with God I can be part of His plan for peace, but I can only know His plan if I’m listening for direction from the Holy Spirit.  Perhaps there’s a reason Philippians verse 6 talks about prayer prior to mentioning God’s peace in verse 7?  I’m just saying!  There’s a prayer attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi that reminds me…it’s not just about me.

The prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

 

Yes, I pray for “world peace” wishing I weren’t prepping to send my husband off to war.  However, as I’m listening to the Spirit, I believe what it being whispered in my ear is to keep working on the peace of my own heart, and to be a source of His peace for others in my midst…

to love where there is hate

to pardon where there is injury

to lend faith where there is doubt

to give hope where there is despair

to bring light where there is darkness

to give joy where there is sadness

to console

to understand

True peace to me is offering the peace God gives me to others even in the midst of the challenges and chaos of my own life.  Some days I succeed, and more often than not I fail.  Each day is a new opportunity to step more confidently into HIS peace plan. 

What does peace mean to you?

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27

Blessings

Sarah

(St. Francis of Assisi Icon by Robert Lentz, OF)

A Window of Faith

Today is New Years Day 2011.  It’s a time I usually take a moment to look back and celebrate the blessings as well as examine the areas of my life that haven’t gone as I expected or hoped.  Mostly though, I look forward into the New Year to hope and dream of its exciting possibilities.  

Yesterday I found myself staring out the kitchen window overlooking Baumholder Germany feeling thankful to be living here; however, tears started rolling down my eyes.  Perhaps a few where for the amazing blessings of 2010, but the tape that was playing in my head was “this is the year of deployment.”  Thus, I start 2011 feeling some sadness and dread.  

When David and I married just over a year ago, I entered into this life-long partnership knowing I was being called by God to be an Army Chaplain’s wife.  Since we are in a midst of a war it meant deployments and separation – I knew this.   I knew 2011 would be a year of deployment the moment we got word that we were PCSing to Germany.  Now the time is soon approaching, and I can’t procrastinate any longer.  There’s much to do, even if I have to do it with tears running down my face.   There’s a will to be updated; a couple more powers of attorneys to be obtained; new brakes for the car; items to be purchased; footlockers to be packed and addressed for Afghanistan; and a discussion to take place confirming David’s desires if the unthinkable should happen.  This doesn’t seem fair, but it’s my life…so how will I handle this?

My desire is to thrive, not just survive this year with a bit more joy, dignity, and grace each day.  I’ve always disliked the saying “He never gives you more than you can handle.”  YES, He does!  He just doesn’t give  more than can be handled without Him!  So I enter 2011 knowing that I can’t handle being separated from my husband for a year (with one 15 day leave) without HIM guiding me each moment; and I certainly can’t do it with any measure of joy, dignity and grace.  I’ve never needed my faith more than I do now.  Faith that I can thrive and not just survive the year; faith that God will go before, beside and behind David as he goes about fulfilling his call to minister to soldiers while at war; faith that this deployment will bring us, as a couple, closer together and not tear us apart; and faith that I can be a support to other spouses who remain here in Baumholder.  Faith – a confidence/trust/belief in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures.

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.  Patrick Overton

I’m betting  there’s a solid foundation for me to stand on when the day arrives when David departs and I step from a light I’ve known into an unfamiliar darkness, I pray that from the solid foundation from which I stand I’ll learn to fly in new, unexpected and amazing ways.  

So a blog...a way for me articulate this journey I’m on to others; a means of complimenting a Bible study I’ll be leading for spouses during deployment; but more importantly, it’s for me. It’s an opportunity for me to gain some discipline in writing, a goal I’ve had for sometime; and to share how God is working and revealing Himself on this journey.  

With some sadness, trepidation, and hope, I enter 2011 with faith that it will be a happy new year.   Faith is the window I desire to look through each day to view the world.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
 Hebrews 11:1 

Blessings
Sarah