A Window of Faith

Today is New Years Day 2011.  It’s a time I usually take a moment to look back and celebrate the blessings as well as examine the areas of my life that haven’t gone as I expected or hoped.  Mostly though, I look forward into the New Year to hope and dream of its exciting possibilities.  

Yesterday I found myself staring out the kitchen window overlooking Baumholder Germany feeling thankful to be living here; however, tears started rolling down my eyes.  Perhaps a few where for the amazing blessings of 2010, but the tape that was playing in my head was “this is the year of deployment.”  Thus, I start 2011 feeling some sadness and dread.  

When David and I married just over a year ago, I entered into this life-long partnership knowing I was being called by God to be an Army Chaplain’s wife.  Since we are in a midst of a war it meant deployments and separation – I knew this.   I knew 2011 would be a year of deployment the moment we got word that we were PCSing to Germany.  Now the time is soon approaching, and I can’t procrastinate any longer.  There’s much to do, even if I have to do it with tears running down my face.   There’s a will to be updated; a couple more powers of attorneys to be obtained; new brakes for the car; items to be purchased; footlockers to be packed and addressed for Afghanistan; and a discussion to take place confirming David’s desires if the unthinkable should happen.  This doesn’t seem fair, but it’s my life…so how will I handle this?

My desire is to thrive, not just survive this year with a bit more joy, dignity, and grace each day.  I’ve always disliked the saying “He never gives you more than you can handle.”  YES, He does!  He just doesn’t give  more than can be handled without Him!  So I enter 2011 knowing that I can’t handle being separated from my husband for a year (with one 15 day leave) without HIM guiding me each moment; and I certainly can’t do it with any measure of joy, dignity and grace.  I’ve never needed my faith more than I do now.  Faith that I can thrive and not just survive the year; faith that God will go before, beside and behind David as he goes about fulfilling his call to minister to soldiers while at war; faith that this deployment will bring us, as a couple, closer together and not tear us apart; and faith that I can be a support to other spouses who remain here in Baumholder.  Faith – a confidence/trust/belief in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures.

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.  Patrick Overton

I’m betting  there’s a solid foundation for me to stand on when the day arrives when David departs and I step from a light I’ve known into an unfamiliar darkness, I pray that from the solid foundation from which I stand I’ll learn to fly in new, unexpected and amazing ways.  

So a blog...a way for me articulate this journey I’m on to others; a means of complimenting a Bible study I’ll be leading for spouses during deployment; but more importantly, it’s for me. It’s an opportunity for me to gain some discipline in writing, a goal I’ve had for sometime; and to share how God is working and revealing Himself on this journey.  

With some sadness, trepidation, and hope, I enter 2011 with faith that it will be a happy new year.   Faith is the window I desire to look through each day to view the world.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
 Hebrews 11:1 

Blessings
Sarah